I haven’t stopped thinking about Challengers since seeing it. Undoubtedly a sexy movie, I’m, at least consciously, more excited about a good new sports movie hitting the theaters.
And, despite the depressing news about Happy Gilmore’s greenlit sequel (an outright disgrace that will surely be a mess and sully the legacy of one of the great works of the 20th century), I think Challengers has all the room in the world for a sequel—as long as it not only eschews Tashi, Art and Patrick but the sport of tennis as a whole.
I’m a generous man. I just want these movies made. I don’t need writing credits. But here’s what they should do next.
Challengers: Turkey: Jonathan (Ben Foster)is a PBA bowler who met his sweetheart Penny (Evan Rachel Wood) back when the pair were both working at a local Ohio bowling alley as teenagers. At a charity event at said bowling alley, they run into their old co-worker Ricky (Shane Gillis) who still works at the alley. After the event, Ricky challenges Jonathan and bowls a 300, with each frame bringing back a memory of and old spark. The score will be Sturgill Simpson playing bluegrass.
Challengers 2: Triple Play: The Oakland Athletics have made history, becoming the first MLB team to offer minimum wage contracts, finding a loophole in the CBA to do so as long as they also sign players as concession stand workers. In doing so, they are holding open tryouts, overseen by general manager Savannah Stark (Reese Witherspoon). Two catchers, one longtime MLB stalwart Drake Weaver (Wyatt Russell) who has been suspended six times for a variety of minor infractions, and local bartender Dev Robinson (John David Washington) whose aspiring MLB career was cut short due to a wild furry-related incident, are vying for the final spot, and Stark is more than game to pit them against each other—both on and off the field.
Challengers: Final Four: Kennedy (Olivia Rodrigo in her film debut) is the next Caitlin Clark, a sharp-shooting guard for Clemson who has dominated college hoops for the past three years, but has never won the big one. Her high school teammate, Lia (Ayo Edibiri), is the opposite: an anonymous contributor to a TCU program that has won three straight titles. The two both make the Final Four as seniors, on opposite sides of the bracket, where old romance rekindles, and new romance is born when they meet the other stars from the other two Final Four teams: Pitt 6-foot-7 center Daria (Cameron Brink) and UCLA wing Danika (Danielle Melchior), as the four compete on and off-court.
Challengers: Triple Reverse: Jason Street is the star quarterback for the Dillon Panthers. His girlfriend is All-American cheerleader Lyla Garrity, while his best friend is fullback Tim Riggins. But in the first game of his senior season, Street is paralyzed. Garrity will stand by his side, but for how long? Will Tim Riggins be able to hold off his carnal desires to be true to his best friend? Do clear eyes and full hearts ever lose?
Challengers: Hat Trick: I don’t know enough about hockey to do this one. There’d be some cool scene where they walk around on the ice barefoot set to shoegaze.
Challengers: Albatross: Yeah, this one would pretty much just be Happy Gilmore.
Challengers: Triple Crown: The horses would have a threesome.
Besides Challengers, here are some other things I’ve liked in the interim since my last post.
Kajillionaire: I loved this movie? I knew it was released to mixed reviews at the time of release, and I get it, the Evan Rachel Wood performance and character is a bit much, but I found it to be a pretty moving mediation on growing up, and I probably prefer it to the—still very good—Me and You and Everyone We Know.
Random Steve Albini-produced albums: I wasn’t overly familiar, at least in terms of having a running subconscious Rolodex, of the work Albini produced until he passed. So naturally I did the annoying thing people my generation do when a famous respected person dies: I went back and tried to consume as much of their art as possible in a four hour span. It was cool to see the sheer bredth of his work, but I really enjoyed some random selections from artists I’ve never listened to like Nina Nastasia, Valina and Joan of Arse as well as digging into to some more Smog.
Batman: The Animated Series: So I have a very bad vice of not being able to fall asleep without a television show looping. I need the sound and my brain has convinced itself it needs the dimmed flashes of light. But it has to fit a very fine lane. Seinfeld and 30 Rock have been the most common selections, but I’ve gone to as strange a place as putting on old UFC fights on low volume. My newest choice? BTAS. It doesn’t draw my attention enough to keep me from drifting off, but the standalone plots and fun voice acting is a good listen from a close-eyed fetal position.
Instagram recipes: I suck ass at cooking, but goddamn I want to try to cook. And now, my algorithm is all messed up on IG, as I looked up various “easy recipes” which ended up not being easy at all. I ended up just making a meat sauce that is more involved than my typical “brown beef and pour marinara sauce on top” and it tasted good. I will make you proud, Gordon Ramsay.
I Am Toward You by How To Dress Well: Sick album. I forgot dude existed, but he made a fun-ass record. All’s this to say the first time he ever crossed my wavelengths was when he appeared on a Ringer podcast to talk NBA with Jason Concepcion.
Relative lack of investment in playoff hockey: It seems like it must suck to be a diehard Bruins fan. As a quick dip-inner, I enjoy it. They lose in funny fashion, but there’s still enough drama to keep me engrossed. And then, when they lose, I move on. It doesn’t ruin my day like other beloved teams.
The McDonalds app: This is not a paid advertisement. I got a free Big Mac using this. Hell yeah.
STUPID SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD OF THE MONTH
I went to a trivia night, and the music theme round was songs/artists with the word “train” in them based on the first five seconds of the song. This and Meet Virginia by Train have both not left my brain since. Alex G definitely stole Runner from this btw.
Da monthly playlist